At the time of this writing, I have been happily married for going on 18 years. Yet from day one, friends of my wife were practically betting that I’d be cheating on her as early as after two-three years of marriage. Of course, all of the negative predictions were coming from single women who had been messed over by a man. But I took offense at the confidence by which they were so sure I would fall victim to adultery like their male counterparts.
As angry as I was about them projecting negativity into my marriage, statistically I could understand where their negativity came from. The divorce rate in the church is almost the same as the divorce rate in the world, 50%. So how can you keep your marriage fresh and remain true to each other? This blog is one Christian’s answer to that question.
First of all, as a Christian, you cannot keep God out of the equation. He must be the center of the relationship, the life boat you each hang on to as the years go by and both of you change, especially physically. “God is the same yesterday, today and forevermore.” Therefore keeping Him first in your relationship is of the utmost importance. Next, nothing, and I mean “nothing” is worth more than the trust developed between two people in a relationship. It takes time to earn trust in each other. It is as precious a rare diamond. It is when you feel totally secure with each other and trust each other 100% that you know you are marrying the right person.
Don’t justify or rationalize trust, saying things like, “I’ll trust them soon enough. We’ll go on and get married.” If there is any inkling of a feeling that you are about to marry the wrong person, put your pride aside and get marriage counseling right away. In counseling you find out if the two of you are really right for each other by being asked questions by someone who is objective.
When you are with the right person, when you are together, you each seem to make the other a better person. You each have a weakness and sometimes together you have no weaknesses when united as one.
Now to the matter at hand, now that we’ve reviewed how do you know when you are marrying the right person. How do you keep your marriage strong?
If you are a Christian, the answer is in the Word itself;
(Prov.5:3-6) “The lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But the result is as bitter as poison, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. For she does not care about the path to life. She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t even realize where it leads.”
(Prov.5:15-23) “Drink water from your own well – share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, with an immoral woman, or embrace the breasts of an adulterous woman? For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his incredible folly.”
So if the Word so clearly speaks about the importance of being true to your marriage, why do the statistics regarding divorce with Christians match the world? Simply, by taking your eye of the will of God and His word for your life and marriage. It is that simple. Being a Chrisian is more than just a word. It takes work. In fact, once you become a devout Christian, truly seeking to live by His Word, you become even a bigger target than before you were saved.
In today’s media, sexual suggestions have infiltrated the billboards, magazines, music videos, cable TV, the internet, ipod capabilities to download pornography and even network television try to keep up with cable television. Lust of the flesh is being forced into our faces everywhere we look. It is painfully obvious that it is in our hands to figure out how to survive the sexual attack.
First of all, you must be accountable for taking responsibility of your actions and not exposing yourself to images, talk, friends, environments, magazine, movies, websites and TV shows that plant a seed of arousal in your spirit which manifests in your body. A couple’s true love for each other is more than enough of an aphrodisiac when it is not tainted by external images and suggestions. Once you give in to the external influences, you are being aroused by a fantasy and not your spouse which cheats the intimacy of the relationship.
Dedicating yourself to your spouse 100% allows you to understand exactly what becoming “one” is all about when your spouse is your love and best friend. Many times best friends and kids are given the wrong priority which ends up destroying the marriage. The divine order is God, spouse, kids, parents, friends. Any other order and you’re asking for trouble, i.e. gay marriages, single mothers who say they don’t need a man. Is it no wonder the world of happy relationships is under attack?
Of course, this article is not addressing violent, abusive relationships. Those are relationships that should not have happened in the first place without serious counseling.
What couples do have in their control as the years go by to keep the marriage strong is to remember what created the fire in the relationship in the first place. So many marriages seem to feel that once you’re married, “I got ya!” There’s no need to do any of that seductive stuff anymore. I beg to differ. Remembering why you fell in love in the first place is what reminds you of why you fell in love with each other so that when you look into each other’s eyes 10-20 years later, you still see the person you fell in love with.
Marriage is work, that’s not joke. But with God at the head and keeping each other number one in your life here on earth, you will fight to keep that fire going so that no one night stand destroys what it took years to build – trust. Once that betrayal has taken place, it takes a long, long time to rebuild it, if ever. So you’re really left with one question. Is it really worth it to throw all that away?
As angry as I was about them projecting negativity into my marriage, statistically I could understand where their negativity came from. The divorce rate in the church is almost the same as the divorce rate in the world, 50%. So how can you keep your marriage fresh and remain true to each other? This blog is one Christian’s answer to that question.
First of all, as a Christian, you cannot keep God out of the equation. He must be the center of the relationship, the life boat you each hang on to as the years go by and both of you change, especially physically. “God is the same yesterday, today and forevermore.” Therefore keeping Him first in your relationship is of the utmost importance. Next, nothing, and I mean “nothing” is worth more than the trust developed between two people in a relationship. It takes time to earn trust in each other. It is as precious a rare diamond. It is when you feel totally secure with each other and trust each other 100% that you know you are marrying the right person.
Don’t justify or rationalize trust, saying things like, “I’ll trust them soon enough. We’ll go on and get married.” If there is any inkling of a feeling that you are about to marry the wrong person, put your pride aside and get marriage counseling right away. In counseling you find out if the two of you are really right for each other by being asked questions by someone who is objective.
When you are with the right person, when you are together, you each seem to make the other a better person. You each have a weakness and sometimes together you have no weaknesses when united as one.
Now to the matter at hand, now that we’ve reviewed how do you know when you are marrying the right person. How do you keep your marriage strong?
If you are a Christian, the answer is in the Word itself;
(Prov.5:3-6) “The lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But the result is as bitter as poison, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. For she does not care about the path to life. She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t even realize where it leads.”
(Prov.5:15-23) “Drink water from your own well – share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, with an immoral woman, or embrace the breasts of an adulterous woman? For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his incredible folly.”
So if the Word so clearly speaks about the importance of being true to your marriage, why do the statistics regarding divorce with Christians match the world? Simply, by taking your eye of the will of God and His word for your life and marriage. It is that simple. Being a Chrisian is more than just a word. It takes work. In fact, once you become a devout Christian, truly seeking to live by His Word, you become even a bigger target than before you were saved.
In today’s media, sexual suggestions have infiltrated the billboards, magazines, music videos, cable TV, the internet, ipod capabilities to download pornography and even network television try to keep up with cable television. Lust of the flesh is being forced into our faces everywhere we look. It is painfully obvious that it is in our hands to figure out how to survive the sexual attack.
First of all, you must be accountable for taking responsibility of your actions and not exposing yourself to images, talk, friends, environments, magazine, movies, websites and TV shows that plant a seed of arousal in your spirit which manifests in your body. A couple’s true love for each other is more than enough of an aphrodisiac when it is not tainted by external images and suggestions. Once you give in to the external influences, you are being aroused by a fantasy and not your spouse which cheats the intimacy of the relationship.
Dedicating yourself to your spouse 100% allows you to understand exactly what becoming “one” is all about when your spouse is your love and best friend. Many times best friends and kids are given the wrong priority which ends up destroying the marriage. The divine order is God, spouse, kids, parents, friends. Any other order and you’re asking for trouble, i.e. gay marriages, single mothers who say they don’t need a man. Is it no wonder the world of happy relationships is under attack?
Of course, this article is not addressing violent, abusive relationships. Those are relationships that should not have happened in the first place without serious counseling.
What couples do have in their control as the years go by to keep the marriage strong is to remember what created the fire in the relationship in the first place. So many marriages seem to feel that once you’re married, “I got ya!” There’s no need to do any of that seductive stuff anymore. I beg to differ. Remembering why you fell in love in the first place is what reminds you of why you fell in love with each other so that when you look into each other’s eyes 10-20 years later, you still see the person you fell in love with.
Marriage is work, that’s not joke. But with God at the head and keeping each other number one in your life here on earth, you will fight to keep that fire going so that no one night stand destroys what it took years to build – trust. Once that betrayal has taken place, it takes a long, long time to rebuild it, if ever. So you’re really left with one question. Is it really worth it to throw all that away?
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